People need to learn what constitutes bullying and how to deal with it.

Christopher is a very confused child,” a dad told me recently. “He’s terrified of Chuck E Cheese, but he’s not afraid of playing in the road.”

His story reminds me of my childhood. My parents protected me well from the dangers of strangers offering rides, unlocked doors, and razor blades in Halloween candy. None of these things concerned me, though. What I really feared was our neighborhood bully.

Hardly a day passed when Ricky didn’t threaten to throw a rock, trip a girl, or knock us off our bikes. My parents and teachers waved off my fears as something all kids endure.

Thankfully, today’s adults are wising up. Schools are increasingly stepping up efforts to stop the kinds of name-calling, taunts, and other seemingly harmless acts that aim to humiliate, intimidate and threaten our children at school.

“Bullying is just not tolerated any longer,” says Kim Pitsch, an academic advisor and co-op coordinator for the Crossroads Alternative High School in Kentwood. Pitsch says educators understand better than ever the long-term effects of bullying, which can cause permanent scars and escalate to violent behaviors.

“We have become much more sensitive to observing, reporting and intervening when bullying takes place,” says Pitsch. “What we might have seen as funny before, even the kids now recognize as bullying, and they report it.”

Whose job is it to prevent bullying?

School policies alone can’t get rid of the problem. That’s because bullying still reaches into our neighborhoods and even into our homes. It seems some teens are increasingly using “cyberbullying” to deliver cruel and harmful messages through the Internet.

According to the MindOH Foundation, cyberbullying can include cruel jokes, malicious gossip, embarrassing information or photographs, or Web sites designed to target a specific child or teacher. Cyberbullying is different from face-to-face bullying because offenders don’t “see” the harm they caused or the consequences of their actions. This means kids do and say things on the Internet that they would be much less likely to do in person.

And since 50 percent of kids are online most of the time without adult supervision, victims can be reached anytime and anyplace and frequently with complete anonymity. I-Safe America, an organization promoting Web safety, recently reported that 42 percent of adolescents surveyed had been bullied online. Fifty-three percent admitted saying something mean or hurtful to someone else online.

What can parents do?

“People need to educate themselves about what bullying is,” explains Pitsch. “That’s the only way we’ll make a dent in this problem.”

Parents need to let kids know what behaviors they find unacceptable and have consequences in place for when they violate family rules. If parents suspect their child is bullying others, experts suggest first listening to the child’s side of things. Then ask what has been going on at home and in their group. Concentrate on the feelings of the person being bullied and ways to make amends. Then talk about what to do to stop it—even if that means getting outside help.

Pitsch suggests one additional step after observing some bullying behaviors among parents. She suggests parents watch their words and actions to see what they might be modeling.

If your child is being bullied

Children who are being bullied exhibit signs, such as nightmares, school avoidance, missing belongings or money, or a sudden disinterest in social activities or the computer. If the signs are there, it’s time to take action.

Bullying expert Izzy Kalman says the only reliable way to reduce bullying is to teach children how to stop thinking like victims. In his book, Bullies to Buddies: How to Turn Your Enemies into Friends! (Wisdom Pages, 2004), Kalman offers kids 10 lessons for “How to Stop Being Teased and Bullied Without Really Trying.” The lessons cover why kids are teased; how to change your attitude; and how to handle rumors, physical attack, and more.

Other experts advise parents to teach these practical skills:

• Be assertive – Even though you might be scared, try to sound confident as you make a short statement that gives a bully no chance to argue back. For example: “I do not like being called ‘fatso.’ Stop calling me that.” Then walk away. Practice what you might say in your firmest voice. When you practice something over and over again, it gets easier to do!

• Walk away from the situation as quickly as possible.

  After you have been bullied, as soon as possible:

• Tell someone in authority such as the teacher, coach or other adult.
• Tell a trusted family member.
• If you’re scared to tell an adult, bring a friend or write a note. Or ask someone in your family to come with you or tell them for you.

• If the adult doesn’t listen, try telling someone else. Keep trying until someone takes you seriously. Bullies can change their ways, but it’s up to all adults to get involved.