“Boomerang kids” are coming home.

After 29 years, nine months and 24 days of parenting, we are about 110 days away from an empty nest. That’s the anticipated day our last daughter moves into a dorm room on some yet-to-be named college campus.

Now, I realize that in the eyes of some readers calculating the date with this kind of precision disqualifies us as “parents of the year.” But, trust me when I say that the bird in question is equally anxious to take flight.

Parents who have lived with a high school senior know it can be an experience fraught with tension. While establishing one’s independence is a normal and necessary step in a teen’s development, let me just say I’m not really a fan of the process. Oh, sure, the college visits and senior-year achievements have been exciting; but we’re all a bit beat up by the storms of separation.

So, you will understand the alarm with which I greeted this piece of news: It seems that these days more than one-half of all college grads come knocking on their parents’ doors. Even more alarming? Some 32 percent of them still live with their parents a year after graduation.

With astronomical tuition costs, credit card debt, low job prospects and the high cost of living, new grads are finding home attractive once again. And here’s what I find really amazing. The kids who at age 18 couldn’t wait to leave their out-of-touch, out-of-style, and out-of-sync parents feel little discomfort at moving home.

In fact, one survey revealed that less than one-third feel embarrassed to move in with their parents; and a remarkably upbeat 10 percent are proud and happy to live at home again.

Re-feather The Nest—But Not Too Softly
Nevertheless, not everyone in this “boomerang generation” manages to avoid the pitfalls of moving back home, says Elina Furman, author of “Boomerang Nation: How To Survive Living With Your Parents the Second Time Around.”

Furman offers five tips for dealing with the challenges of once again sharing the nest.

• Set a move-out deadline: Before the move-in date, make sure to set a departure date. Otherwise, parents will be become frustrated and graduates may become unmotivated to move out on their own.
• Share responsibilities: Some parents (“perma-parents”) don’t want their kids to grow up. Arrange for the sharing of household chores like fixing the computer or cooking dinner.
• Stay busy: Boomerangers, make an effort to get involved in local activities and meet new singles in your area while living at home. Parents, carry on with your day-to-day activities as you normally would or risk resentment setting in.
• Set goals: Saving for a down payment on a house, starting a business, finding a job, eliminating debt—these are all good reasons to move back home. Parents and kids should discuss these goals and work together to make them a reality.
• Pay rent!: Whether the boomeranger pays $50 or $300 a month, it’s important that they contribute to the household. If parents feel guilty accepting cash, invest the funds and present the money as a gift once the kids are ready to move out.

I did find one bit of hope in a blog posting by a young grad who has been living with her parents for more than a year. She wrote: “I am seeing [my parents] differently than I ever did before. …They are so different than I remember as a child. And I am glad I have had the opportunity to get to know them again.”

So, okay, maybe I won’t downsize the (part-time) empty nest just yet. After all, isn’t that what “home” means? A place to return to—a place where you can expect to be loved and cared for.

Plus, I don’t want to miss this promised transformation. It appears that during the next four years, my husband and I might grow less annoying and way more interesting.

I can hardly wait.

Respect Counts!
Whether your young-adult child is coming home for good or just for the summer, parents and students who’ve been there say a little respect can go a long way.

You’re sharing space and resources, so give—and expect—some courtesy along the way. Leave notes for one another; pitch in without being asked; and respect each other’s privacy, for starters. Consider putting ground rules in writing—before the young adult moves back.

Below are some helpful resources:

www.boomerangnation.com

“The Empty Nest: 31 Parents Tell the Truth About Relationships, Love and Freedom After the Kids Fly the Coop,” by Karen Stabiner (Hyperion, 2007).